


Shining armor

by larabeckinsale



Category: Dresden Files - Jim Butcher, The Dresden Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-29
Updated: 2011-04-29
Packaged: 2017-10-18 19:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/192374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larabeckinsale/pseuds/larabeckinsale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a scene between Murphy and Harry and deals with what happened in Changes, so you need to have read that. I guess it could be a scene in the next book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shining armor

**Author's Note:**

> All belongs to Jim Butcher, I'm just borrowing.

Harry was alive. She let out a deep breath of relief at that thought.

She didn't understand the exact mechanisms that made it possible after being shot to the heart but it was true. Seven months of uncertainty, fear and anguish were over. She should be happy about that, her best friend was alive and the world was safe for the moment. But it's only human to be greedy and want more even when one should be perfectly happy and grateful for the things they already have.

And she was grateful, and happy but suddenly it was not enough. She wanted the date they never had, the kisses they might have shared had it gone the right way, the romance he would try to create by being the gentleman he always tried to be.

She wanted him to stay. But she knew he wasn't going to.

He had to go away. Go to a world where he would be a pawn to one of the scariest beings on the planet, according to him. That had been the deal, that had been the price he had to pay. There was nothing he could do about it. And there was nothing she could do about it either. She wished there was though, she wished she could fix it all. But she had to let him go.

He stands before her now, uncertain and sorry and apologetic, dressed in armor in the most shiny chilling blue she's ever seen. She feels herself fill with anger, despair and sorrow in a way she never thought she could feel. Somehow, this is turning into something even more difficult and painful than the past seven months. Thinking him gone was heartbreaking but having him back just to lose him again in a second was... She doesn't even have words to describe it. It just felt worse, much, much worse. At least when she thought he was dead she could think that maybe God has had mercy on him and he was finally at peace. Now, even though she doesn't have the precise knowledge, she can tell that what's waiting for him at the side of the Queen is not peace, not calm but the loss of his freedom, of his will, the torment of obeying orders that contradict his every belief. One of the versions of hell, is what it'll be for him.

There's no peace on the horizon for him and she knows this one time, she can't help him. There's nothing for her to do. She only prays that whatever comes next won't mean the complete loss of what's left of his mangled heart.

And she wishes she could tell him all this, that she's so sorry all this has happened to him, that she wants to find a way to help him somehow, that she... That's she's still there for him, but the words won't come out, she just chokes on them and swallows them back. The pain she's feeling right now is so great. She knows, deep inside, that it doesn't matter what she wants, what she wishes, the reality is that she's helpless against this, she can't face the Queen of air and darkness and win, she's just human after all.

He walks closer to her, it's almost time, he's planning to say his goodbyes. And she feels herself crumbling apart.

"Karrin..." He starts to say but she stops him,

"No... Don't." She couldn't stand it, him saying goodbye, without knowing if there will ever be a time when she'll see him again. She knows it's harder for him, he's the one that is practically enslaved. So she tries to stay strong, for him, for her, for the both of them.

"I'm..." He tries to continue but she interrupts again,

"It's hard enough as it is, please don't make it harder." She says and is furious at the begging tone in her voice. The pain is too great and the worry is heart wrenching.

For once, he does exactly as she says and doesn't open his mouth again. He just comes a little closer and reaches out to take her hands in his much bigger ones, and lifts them to his lips. He kisses the back of each, very softly. She just watches him do it and notices that when he's done he steps even closer and leans down a little toward her face. He tentatively moves closer and closer until there's barely a whisper of air between their lips. He's going to kiss her. Soon she's going to feel his lips press against her own and she imagines they would be sweet and warm, and also a little urgent. It couldn't be any other way. It might be the only chance they could have. And she knows it would feel so good.

And so wrong. This is not the way she wanted it to happen. The times she had indulged in thinking of him like more than a friend she always imagined a kiss from him would be the start of something, not the end. And the thought of that tears her apart and at the last moment she turns her head a little to the side and he ends up kissing her cheek instead. After, he rests his forehead against her, and she feels him frown and sees him bite his bottom lip. He still holds her hands in his and against his chest, she can feel his heart pounding fast.

She's almost regretting her decision and is about to turn her head again a little, toward his lips rather than away this time and she's actually moving a little bit, parting her lips for him, searching for him when she remembers the futility of the act, she hears her own voice asking her "What for?" If there's nothing she can do now to keep him, if she's going to lose him all over again. That if she gives in now, she'll lose herself too 'cause she won't be able to let go.

So she stops and leaves him hanging one more time and with trembling lips she says, "Just... just... come back, ok?... When it's safe... Come back." She says and fights with every ounce of her strength to keep from crying.

He swallows, pulls away a little and looks down at the floor, grimacing. It's obvious he doesn't want to make any promises, he's always been a man of his word and this time he doesn't know if he could keep it. He seems to think hard for a moment, while he caresses her hands he’s still holding to his chest with his thumbs. Finally, he looks up straight into her eyes for a dangerous second and says,

"I will." And with two more kisses on her hands he lets go of them, turns around and walks to the open portal at his back.

She watches him go and thinks there must be a big joke being played on her right then. Her whole life she fought against stereotypes, against the the expectations of the patriarchal society, those chauvinist notions of what a woman should be or do, against being cast as a bodice wearing heroin type like the one in those romance novels. The faithful woman waiting for her knight in shining armor to come and rescue her from monsters or the doting, loving woman waiting for her man to come back from some war or something equally awful. And damned Harry Dresden, here he was making her feel like those were her roles right now!

Her whole body trembles in pain and anger and she swears to herself she won't let herself fall for that, even though it feels like she's going to. She will not be the damsel in distress. She will not sit and wait. She will face the dangers ahead. She will keep defending Chicago. She will keep fighting and one day she will find a way, and she will go to his rescue, because she too can done a shining armor and be strong and brave.

They would meet in the middle of the road though, because he too would have been searching for his way back. Back to her, following the light of her hope that she'll always keep on. She still is a woman of faith after all, she believes, in him, in them, in the good that they could do, that they could be. Maybe not right now, not today, but soon.

She will make sure of that. And together they would face anything and everything.

The End.


End file.
